Chris didn't howl. Martina didn't growl. So what's with all these present-day tennis ladies making so much—here it comes—racket? Are they simply paying collective homage to proto-grunter Monica Seles by dint of over-the-top emulation?
It's astronomically asinine. Ridiculously risible. Outrageously outré.
On the other hand, it can also be lotsa fun—when you settle in for a side-splitting match of SCREAM TENNIS!
Don't need no rackets. Don't need no net. Don't need no tennis court or togs. Don't need no yellow balls. All you need for a fast set of Scream Tennis is sturdy lungs, supple vocal chords, and an enthusiastic willingness—or better yet, a perverse eagerness—to disturb the peace big-time.
My daughter Kelly and I spontaneously invented this consummately cathartic divertissement while watching the French Open. There was a whatever-round match featuring Serena Williams versus some Russian lady, and we just could not get past the Russian's shrieks and Serena's grunts.
Next thing we knew, Kelly was mimicking the shrieking, and I was returning her "serves" and "ground strokes" with grunts, and she was mopping the court with me at 40-love. (Her hilarious whooping-and-looping screams kept making me laugh too hard to go on volleying.)
Seriously. You need to play you some Scream Tennis. Preferably really early in the morning or really late at night. Or in the lunchroom at the office. Or—an inspired suggestion from my son—across adjacent stalls in a public restroom.
Read what Martina said about screaming.
And "Happy Birthday!" Kelly.
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That IS really funny. I almost forgot about how much I had you in stitches and how the score just kept on rising (for me). Those were the days, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at the thought of our matches in the living room...
I wish we were celebrating your b-day this very minute with a five-set match. Be sure to play with whoever's your partner on your next two-man.
ReplyDeleteThis is rich Rick! The single largest reason I CAN'T watch it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI played varsity and leauge tennis for years; some people actually think they play better if they grunt, scream, or otherwise sound as if "it is almost time to push"... "Congratulations Ms. Seles, it's a Maria Conchita Olonso!"
The sounds of the Olympics...first Squeakball and now SCREAM TENNIS! Live competitive sports events for the visually impaired!
ReplyDelete