You know, I have absolutely no idea what my proudest moment was, or if any moment in my life deserves that distinction. I ponder and ponder, but nothing moves to the fore. On the other hand, I can tell you with absolute certainty what my most awkward moment was.
High-school play rehearsal. Couldn't find fellow cast member and best friend. (Omigod! I actually did have a best friend once.) Finally checked darkened backstage music room. Found friend slumping over covered keyboard of upright piano. (Playing dead, I quite naturally assumed, because pranking was his, like, métier.)
Ran bellowing across darkened room. Leapt onto friend's slumping back. Began pummeling friend's head with blunted blows while assailing friend's ears with chortled obscenities. Then I heard him ... sob! (His adored girlfriend, I later learned, had broken up with him only minutes before.)
Yes. He was weeping.
And there I was, right up there on his back. My knees digging into his ribs, my palms resting on his shoulders, my mind struggling for a way to extract my stupid self from that surreal situation in something resembling a dignified manner. (I mean, really, how does one go about climbing down from a distraught friend's back graciously?)
Yup. That was my most awkward moment by a country mile. Care to share yours?
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This isn't my MOST awkward but it is fairly awkward...
ReplyDeleteA guy I've ridden with shows me pictures of his son and daughter on his phone. I didn't really know him much at this point and he gets to a picture of his 7 year old daughter and I say, "Aw, she looks just like you!"
Yeah, come to find out, she's not even his. She's his wife's from a previous relationship. He was nice about it but now I never tell people I don't know that their kids look like them.
Well, when I was working for lovely Filter Fresh, I made a delivery to one of my many companies and proceeded to ask the chick at the desk how far along she was and come to find out she was not prego at all. I felt like an ass and would not go back to deliver to them again. But hey not too many weeks after that someone asked me if I was prego, so I guess what goes around comes around huh.
ReplyDeleteHow was I supposed to know you weren't pregnant?
ReplyDeleteAnd, RJ, were you at all consoled by the fact that only your BF witnessed your gross misconduct?
He didn't witness it. His head was buried in his folded arms whose sleeves were soaked with anguished tears. Plus, I tiptoed out of his chamber of woe.
ReplyDeleteYesterday I had a little bit of an internal awkward moment when we came upon four 13 year old kids tagging. Three of them ran from us (can't wait to encounter them in the future...) and the one that stayed was a "Pat" if you will. I couldn't tell if the kid was a boy or a girl and neither could my partner so he had me pat her/him down just in case it was a girl. When I looked at her/his school ID it gave me no further clues. Her/his name didn't even solve it. We were both confused. I think we let her/him go just because we didn't want to call her/his mom and ask her if she knew where her mumblemumble was...
ReplyDeleteBee-kid (that bitch) and Suzy Johnson all sneak downstairs where Katie and the rest of us have passed out from our slumber party festivities. The next morning at breakfast, a smirk-bepainted Bee-kid says to me, "Find anything good?" And I'm all, "Huh?" She goes on with something like, "Mining for gold?" And I feel my face go all hot for the realization of what she's suggesting had gone down, in my sleep-like....
ReplyDeleteDoes everybody get me? MUST I go on?!
Or was it "Bee Kid"? Carla, I require your recollection.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the awkward moment when Carla discovered that someone had kissed the mirror in the bathroom...
ReplyDeleteI think most of my awkward moments occurred at the Salvation Army gymnastic meets.
ReplyDeleteIt was Bea Kidd, Dilweed. As in "Beatrice". And you shouldn't care what she thought because she always "looka like-a man."
ReplyDelete