Babbler Excerpt No. 4

Got a staring problem?
Reprinted courtesy of The Beemer Babbler

The ranks of the myopic have swollen by one at the little beige house on North Connecticut affectionately known as "904." Kelly Beemer has slipped-on the spectacles, making Remy and Daniel the last two Mohicans in the tribe of the normally sighted.

With both of their parents and now four of their siblings the slaves of supplementary refraction, what are the odds that Remy and Daniel will never take a number at the optician's?

Pretty dang good according to Gloria Beemer, their paternal grandmother and one-time darling of the radio airwaves. As geeked as ever to cop herself a mention in The Babbler, she speculates that Remy and Danny won't sport specs before middle age.

"It's in their DNA," she asserts. "They're both left-handed and I'm left-handed and I didn't need glasses until I hit the double nickel."

She grabs a section of Remy's cheek and pinches it with vigor. "We're just a couple of lefties, aren't we, Thea."

Batting her grandmother's hand away with a crisply applied karate chop, Remy rolls her eyes toward the ceiling and stomps out of the room while Kelly looks on, aghast.

"Wow! I saw all of that really clearly!" she exclaims. "That was cool!"

But, generally speaking, how cool does she find wearing glasses?

"Well, everybody thinks I look great in them—which I do, of course—so image isn't a problem. And I really love seeing all the details I used to miss, like Remy's eyeballs rolling up into her head. But there is one big drawback, and I'm not sure if I should mention it, 'cause it has to do with my dad—"

She pauses a moment as though expecting a proffer of cash for the intelligence.

"Well, I hope he doesn't get mad when he reads this, but Dad's always saying he's fat and ugly, and now I've either gotta keep my mouth shut or figure out something else to say besides, 'No you're not.'"

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