Organized crime

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, right? And yet a pile of shit by any other name does not necessarily stink. Let's take for instance the pile of shit known as bribing members of the United States Congress. We call it "lobbying" and—voila!—nobody seems to notice the odor anymore or care all that much about it.

Oh sure, some of us may wrinkle our noses or even pinch our nostrils. But the practice is generally relegated to the category of business as usual.

Um ... hello! LOBBYING IS BRIBERY. I can't put it any plainer than that.

So where's the media furor? Why isn't, say, Brian Williams furious? Why doesn't he go purple with indignation and sputter vituperation on NBC's Nightly News with Brian Williams? No, it's not because he's sworn to impartiality as a network news anchor; it's because this insidious activity gets waved through the barricades via the odious agency of euphemism. It's like everyone just accepts that nothing can—or even should—be done about it. Thus ...
BRIAN: This bill or that bill failed to clear the House or Senate today because this lobby or that lobby wielded its considerable influence.

[Shrug shoulders. Simper like Stan Laurel. Cut to 30-second Viagra spot.]

Huh? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say that this bill or that bill failed to clear the House or Senate because the bribery specialists spread an assload of moolah around?

As Napoleon Dynamite so perfectly put it ... God!

Our country's legislators take bribes from lobbyists as casually as you and I take coffee breaks—and with an even greater sense of entitlement. They get away with their sleazy conduct because most of the bribes they take take the form of campaign contributions. Well, here's a tell-it-like-it-is-Dandy-Don newsflash from the Crapsack Department of Revulsion:

ACCEPTING CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS FROM LOBBYISTS IS GRAFT.

Let's put it this way: If you tried to "lobby" a certain daughter of mine on the issue of not issuing you a citation for public intoxication, you would find yourself in handcuffs for attempting to bribe a peace officer faster than you can say "cash donation to the Police Athletic League." On the other hand, if she accepted your "contribution" and let you go your merry way, what would that make her?

Get me?

The unfortunate distinction where Congress is concerned is that the foxes are in charge of the chicken coop and aren't about to deprive themselves of all the poultry they can eat. Meanwhile, you and I get our pockets assiduously picked by the credit card industry, the pharmaceutical industry, the financial industry, and especially the oil industry thanks to the tons of anti-you-and-me legislation bribed onto the books by lobbyists.

So, with all that in mind, I've got another name besides "bribery" to propose for this revolting bullshit. Let's really put the putrid back in the poo and call it ...

ORGANIZED CRIME.

It's organized. It's criminal. And it's being regularly and reprehensibly perpetrated on "We the People" by the very men and women elected in good faith to represent our interests, not theirs.

Click here for the full lowdown on one of the most blatant and infuriating examples of our elected representatives' grabbing the graft while giving all of us the shaft.

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